It was a rainy day, i mean it was today that was rainy, but i never remembered anyday that rained when i was with you. Oh yes.. there was moments when it rained and i was with you. but i called you rain on my MSN is because i am scared you would find out. I was scared that you would know how much i think about you... I remember how long i use to spend my time with you, was it the thing that hits me hard or was it just because we part before i could tell you how much you are to me? Your small gestures today is my seventh heaven, but why does it hurt so much to hear that the person you might come to have interest in would b my friend? I always had a fear of losing you, but now you and i... we are nothing, so what does it make me? I shouldn't want to talk to you everytime i see you, i shouldn't even think about you when I am here... i remember the last time i told you how i felt about you. But you... you sounded so sad and so angry and i felt like you were sounding so weak. When i heard you say that I nearly cried, but i have no idea what to tell you anymore. All i can do is pretend to sound like it means nothing to me... your small gestures actually mean a whole lot to me. The fact that you are so nice to me is still a miracle that shouldnt have happened. My heart is suppose to forget you, instead i want to meet you and smile the way i use to when i saw you.
I remember when i told you i loved you and you smiled like it was the happiest thing that ever happened to you. but i guess now its different, because if i tell you i love you, you might run away. I am scared of never talking to you, i am scared of never seeing you again. But half of my time i rather you leave, walk out that door, never turn back? But i don want to... i just want you to smile and say you are dating and smile and say how much you love the girl... maybe that should break this longing or this unbearable heart. I don know... do i really like you the way i do? I cant tell you how much i want an answer for this... I just want to walk away from all of this and maybe remain single for the rest of my life. I sometimes think if one day if i ever come home and meet up when we are at age to do our own decisions... will we be together again? will this be our future? hah...that shows how pathetic i am... Oh well... It is a forever dream... for i don think you see me in the way you do... now i think i shall always be the one thinking of your every memory? Goodbye love, i shall always be a friend to u... Always even if i have to swallow these sad feelings .
