My memories of you... shall i let you go or hold you close?

It was a rainy day, i mean it was today that was rainy, but i never remembered anyday that rained when i was with you. Oh yes.. there was moments when it rained and i was with you. but i called you rain on my MSN is because i am scared you would find out. I was scared that you would know how much i think about you... I remember how long i use to spend my time with you, was it the thing that hits me hard or was it just because we part before i could tell you how much you are to me? Your small gestures today is my seventh heaven, but why does it hurt so much to hear that the person you might come to have interest in would b my friend? I always had a fear of losing you, but now you and i... we are nothing, so what does it make me? I shouldn't want to talk to you everytime i see you, i shouldn't even think about you when I am here... i remember the last time i told you how i felt about you. But you... you sounded so sad and so angry and i felt like you were sounding so weak. When i heard you say that I nearly cried, but i have no idea what to tell you anymore. All i can do is pretend to sound like it means nothing to me... your small gestures actually mean a whole lot to me. The fact that you are so nice to me is still a miracle that shouldnt have happened. My heart is suppose to forget you, instead i want to meet you and smile the way i use to when i saw you.

I remember when i told you i loved you and you smiled like it was the happiest thing that ever happened to you. but i guess now its different, because if i tell you i love you, you might run away. I am scared of never talking to you, i am scared of never seeing you again. But half of my time i rather you leave, walk out that door, never turn back? But i don want to... i just want you to smile and say you are dating and smile and say how much you love the girl... maybe that should break this longing or this unbearable heart. I don know... do i really like you the way i do? I cant tell you how much i want an answer for this... I just want to walk away from all of this and maybe remain single for the rest of my life. I sometimes think if one day if i ever come home and meet up when we are at age to do our own decisions... will we be together again? will this be our future? hah...that shows how pathetic i am... Oh well... It is a forever dream... for i don think you see me in the way you do... now i think i shall always be the one thinking of your every memory? Goodbye love, i shall always be a friend to u... Always even if i have to swallow these sad feelings .

The Last Song, The new Lesson

Today i was having sum problems... When i was cooking 2day i spotted a bag of nearly rotting veggies and i knew that there should be some good ones in there. So I patiently started picking it out. Unfortunately i have came upon a problem and to me the rotten veggies reminded me of an injured person... someone mentally injured... As long as we slowly tend to the bad things we shall eventually help 2 heal them. So i stood there with an aching leg looking at the clock as it ticks and gently picking the rotting bits out. I was thought my theory was right, how wrong i was... It is like the veggie... no matter how many times you tend to it and remove its rotten things... if we are too late we are too late... i cant save that friend and she cant except me... i was too late 2 remove the wounds that cut her and now i can only watch her cry and scream... In the end... the rotten veggies along with the good ones were thrown away bcoz we saw no hope in those veggies... a note 2 life as well.. if we eat something rotten we would get poisoning... same with humans if we decide 2 accept something 2 rotten already we might in the end get sad or depressed for no reason.

I thought tried 2 get rid of all the rotten stuff before i threw it away... I looked at my phone... there was no more ringing of text messages from that one special friend that i related her to the veggie... Her text had stop and the whole kitchen was silent... I felt like my heart is going 2 burst because i knew at that moment i lost her to some darkness i have yet 2 forsee... her injuries were so bad i could not really see how 2 save her... like the veggies... she has left some where out there alone and hating every bit of her survival. I went to my piano as it sat there urging me 2 play what i feel like... I ran 2 it with burning eyes because i can feel it in my soul that she was going somewhere away from me... I looked away from everything because i cant help feeling the urge 2 cry... It was because she was going away I hated the fact i could not save her in time. Her heart has been in shards and now the dust blew her heart away and her eyes losing its light. I gaze away far as i watch the carefree friend of mine from the music... I can hear her gentle smile walking away from me and saying thank you but goodbye...

The only good thing here is i made a song that soothes the sad souls and it was a song 2 wish eternal peace and sleep. I shall plan 2 play it in the music room when i get 2 school tomorrow if she isnt at school.